Chapter 7
Later that week I sit with a glass of red wine.
Watching tv with my parents.
Josh is at church.
I stare at the photos of me all over the wall. Awkward and weird. Still.
I get a text.
Something happened. Can I meet you please?
I just stare at my phone.
Yeah sure. On the beach?
Yip he texts back.
I say I’m going to meet Sarah from high school. My parents nod and turn back to the tv.
I hop on the rusty bike that leans against the house and race through the night.
He’s waiting under a tree.
He turns and I can see he’s been crying.
“This is too much” he starts “You’re everything. You’re all I think about. This is crazy. I’m losing my mind. What do I do without you? What do I do? Where do I go? What is life without you? Without you? I couldn’t. I don’t want to”
He’s spiralling and I just pull him in.
I hold him. My turn to protect.
“It’s OK” I say, pulling him back so we’re looking into each others eyes.
“No it won’t” he cuts me off. “My father wants me to recommit. He asked if there was anyone distracting me.”
I don’t ask what he said. Knowing his faith is now pulling him.
The next night the town hosts a fundraiser at the church.
Everyone goes.
I feel awkward the moment I walk in. Josh is already there. Buttoned up. Polite. Perfect.
We don’t stand together. Don’t speak. Don’t look like anything.
But it sneaks in anyway. A glance. A breath held too long.
His father steps up to the microphone.
“We’re so proud of our young men,” he says. “Especially those who resist temptation.”
Josh’s jaw tightens.
I leave before it gets worse.
